Reactive Versus Proactive

As parents of neurodiverse children, we all know how unpredictable meltdowns can be. They can seem to come out of nowhere, leaving us scrambling for solutions in the moment. But what if we could approach these moments with a plan? What if we shifted from reactive responses to a more proactive approach?

Reactive Responses: Putting Out Fires

When a meltdown happens, it’s natural to react quickly, doing whatever it takes to calm the situation. Sometimes, this means soothing your child with comforting words, removing them from the environment, or even just holding them while they work through their feelings. While these are valid responses, they often leave us feeling like we’re simply putting out fires.

Reactive responses can feel overwhelming because we’re constantly “on call,” not knowing when the next emotional storm will hit. And let’s face it, when we’re reacting in the heat of the moment, we may feel drained or question if we’re handling things the right way.

Proactive Strategies: Creating Calm Before the Storm

Proactive strategies, on the other hand, can help us anticipate and reduce the frequency or intensity of meltdowns. Being proactive doesn’t mean we can prevent every meltdown (and that’s okay!), but it does mean we’re better prepared.

Here are some proactive steps that have made a difference for many families:

1. Understand Triggers

2. Create Routines

3. Sensory Tools

4. Teach Emotional Regulation

5. Plan for Stressful Situations

6. The sandwich method

Let’s take a dive into each of these areas here. We want to be as neuroaffirming as possible.

Embracing Both Approaches

The reality is, we’ll always have moments where we need to react. That’s part of parenting, especially with neurodiverse children. However, by incorporating proactive strategies, we’re setting ourselves and our children up for fewer meltdowns, and when they do happen, they may be less intense.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress. Every step we take towards being more proactive is a step toward a calmer, more predictable environment for our kids. And that’s something we can all feel good about.

Let’s continue to support each other on this journey, one meltdown at a time.