Creating Routines
Creating routines for a neurodivergent child in a neuro-affirming way is about building predictable, supportive structures that respect the child’s unique needs, preferences, and natural rhythms. Rather than imposing rigid expectations or attempting to change behaviour to be similar to peers, neuro-affirming routines celebrate individuality, allowing flexibility and respecting the child's way of navigating the world. Here's an expanded approach:
Respect the Child’s Natural Rhythms and Preferences
Neurodivergent children often have their own pace and energy patterns, which may not always align with conventional expectations (e.g., typical school hours, mealtimes, or social engagements). A neuro-affirming routine starts by observing and respecting these natural rhythms. This includes:
Energy levels: Some children may be more active and focused in the mornings, while others thrive in the afternoons or evenings. Plan challenging tasks during their natural peak times.
Attention spans: Understand how long the child can focus on different activities without feeling overwhelmed. Some may need frequent breaks, while others may engage deeply for longer periods in areas of interest.
Preferred activities: Integrate the child’s special interests or hobbies into the daily routine, validating their passions and using them as sources of joy and motivation.
By building routines around the child’s inherent preferences, you're creating an environment that feels safer, more predictable, and empowering, rather than one that forces them to conform to arbitrary rules.
2. Predictability with Flexibility
Neurodivergent children often thrive on predictability because it helps reduce anxiety and uncertainty. However, neuro-affirming routines also recognise that flexibility is essential to prevent rigidity and anxiety when unexpected changes arise. This balance might look like:
Visual schedules: Use tools like visual schedules or checklists that break down the day into manageable steps, allowing the child to see what's coming next. This can reduce stress and give them a sense of control.
Consistent structure with room for flexibility: Maintain consistent start times for important parts of the day (e.g., meals, bedtime), but offer flexibility in how specific activities are carried out. For example, after-school time could include a choice between reading, drawing, or playing outside.
Prepare for transitions: Give advance notice before transitions to allow the child time to mentally adjust. Phrases like, “In five minutes, we will start cleaning up,” or “After breakfast, we’re going to the park,” can ease the stress of transitioning from one activity to another.
Adjust routines when needed: If the child becomes overwhelmed or their needs change, adjust the routine without guilt or pressure. A neuro-affirming routine adapts to the child, not the other way around.
3. Add in Sensory Considerations
Sensory needs are often central to the experiences of neurodivergent children. Some may seek out sensory stimulation (e.g., jumping, spinning), while others might need to avoid certain sensory inputs (e.g., loud noises, bright lights). Neuro-affirming routines should incorporate these sensory preferences into the day:
Sensory breaks: Build in sensory breaks throughout the day, such as time to swing, use fidget toys, or relax in a quiet space. These moments allow the child to regulate their nervous system, preventing overload and promoting emotional well-being.
Safe sensory environments: Create spaces in the home or classroom where the child can retreat if they feel overstimulated. This might be a corner with dim lighting, noise-cancelling headphones, or soft textures they find comforting.
Sensory-friendly activities: Plan activities that align with the child’s sensory preferences. For instance, if they love deep pressure, incorporate time for a weighted blanket or bear hugs into the daily routine.
4. Empower the Child with Choice and Autonomy
Giving the neurodivergent child a sense of control over their routine helps build confidence and autonomy. A neuro-affirming routine is not something imposed on the child but developed collaboratively, respecting their ability to make choices:
Offer options: Present choices throughout the day, such as asking, “Would you like to do numbers or reading first?” or “Do you want to have a sandwich or pasta for lunch?” Giving even small choices allows for growth in a sense of agency and reduces resistance.
Let them co-create the routine: Involve the child in the process of creating their routine. Ask them what activities they want to include, how much time they’d like for each, and when they feel most comfortable doing them.
Self-paced learning: In schoolwork or other structured activities, offer flexibility in pacing. Some neurodivergent children may hyperfocus on a topic of interest and benefit from spending more time there, while others may need frequent breaks to prevent overwhelm.
Respect for non-traditional approaches: If a child prefers to engage in an activity in an unconventional way (e.g., doing homework while pacing or listening to music), allow them to do so as long as it helps them focus and doesn’t cause distress.
5. Integrate Time for Special Interests
For many neurodivergent children, special interests are a source of immense joy, focus, and learning. These should not be seen as distractions or "obsessions" to be managed, but rather as essential parts of their routine:
Honour special interests: Dedicate specific times in the routine for the child to dive into their favourite activities, whether it’s researching dinosaurs, drawing, coding, or organising a collection. These activities can serve as calming anchors in their day.
Use special interests as motivation: Special interests can also be integrated into less preferred activities. For example, if a child loves space, use space-themed math problems or books about astronauts during reading time.
Encourage deep engagement: Allow time for the child to fully immerse themselves in their special interest without pressure to stop prematurely. This deep engagement can develop a sense of accomplishment and confidence.
6. Routine as a Tool for Emotional Regulation
Neurodivergent children often benefit from routines that help them manage emotions and build self-regulation skills. A neuro-affirming routine offers predictable moments of emotional support:
Check-ins: Incorporate emotional check-ins during key points of the day. This might involve asking how the child feels or using a feelings chart. Knowing that there’s space in the routine to express their emotions can prevent frustration from building up.
Calming activities: Build in time for calming practices such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or simply quiet time in a sensory-friendly space. These moments can help regulate emotions and prevent emotional overload.
Safe transition strategies: Transitions can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent children. Use transitional objects (a favourite toy or object) or transitional activities (a short game or sensory activity) to make moving between activities feel smoother and less stressful.
7. Adaptation for Overload or Stress
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a child may become overwhelmed, anxious, or overstimulated. A neuro-affirming routine needs to be adaptable to these moments, ensuring the child knows it’s okay to take a step back:
Allow for “reset” moments: Build flexibility into the routine where the child can take a break or opt out of an activity if they’re feeling overwhelmed. This reinforces that their well-being takes priority over rigid adherence to a schedule.
Avoid punishment for divergence: If the child is unable to follow a part of the routine, avoid punishment or negative consequences. Instead, offer them a way to re-enter the routine in a supportive, low-pressure manner.
Recognise meltdowns or shutdowns: If the child experiences a meltdown or shutdown, the routine should have built-in recovery time afterward. They may need quiet time, physical comfort, or sensory support to recover, and the routine should respect that need without judgment.
Routines Rooted in Respect and Empowerment
Creating routines for a neurodivergent child is about embracing their individuality, not forcing them to conform. A neuro-affirming routine prioritizes the child’s comfort, autonomy, and sense of safety, recognising that their needs may differ from conventional expectations. By respecting their sensory, emotional, and cognitive experiences, we can create a routine that nurtures their growth, confidence, and joy.